-“Kansas” literally translates to “Outcast.” The state was rejected from being called “East Colorado,” “West Missouri,” “North Oklahoma,” and “South Nebraska.”
-Kansas City didn’t even want to be part of the state, KANSAS City!!! “Oh don’t mind us, we’re just gonna scooch on over to Missouri. I suppose we can keep our ass end in Kansas.”
-Kansas is home to 46 million square miles of farmland and 1 square mile of anything else.
-Kansas’ professional (and I use that term loosely) sports teams are named things such as Mudcats, Roadrunners, Koyotes with a ‘K’, Golden Giants, T-Bones, and my personal favorite: Wingnuts. There’s no joke there, those awful names are the best punch line I could ask for. “Congratulations Timmy! You’ve been drafted by the Wichita Wingnuts! Enjoy a career of obscurity…unless you get traded to the Kansas City T-Bones, then you’ve really made the big-time.”
-There is more grass in Kansas than in all of the Cheech and Chong movies put together.
-Ben Stein once considered moving to Kansas, but decided he would be too wild for that particular state.
-The helicopter was invented in Kansas in 1909. Slightly later in 1909, "getting the hell out of Kansas" was invented.
-Kansas is home to Dodge City, America’s windiest city. Kansas really does blow (This joke was tested and approved by the 5th grade).
-Wichita State University’s athletic teams are called the Shockers. We all know you’re depraved, but to name your sports teams after a sex act? That’s a little extreme. You don’t see Cleveland State calling themselves the Steamers.
-“Wichita” is derived from a Native American language and roughly translates to “Shit-storm.”
-Sumner County Kansas is known as the Wheat Capital of the World. Sumner County’s suicide rate is unknown—the person who counts that data stabbed himself in the face.
-At one time it was against the law to serve ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas…sons of bitches.
-More meteorites have been found in Kansas than in any other state west of the Mississippi. See, it’s not just me—even outer space wants Kansas gone.
-Cawker City, Kansas is home to the world’s largest ball of twine, weighing in at nearly 17,000 pounds. Seriously? I mean, I knew you had to be bored…but this is entering Boredom Hall of Fame territory. This is roughly the equivalent to sitting on a hardwood floor watching your great-aunt Helen knit a pair of socks from beginning to end and the only entertainment you have is reading the nutrition label on the can of coke she let you have as a “treat.” I mean, she's a great lady, but I'd rather take off my clothes and have someone roll the giant twine ball over me.
-Kirstie Alley is from Kansas. Gross.
-Overland Park, Kansas was used as a landfill before becoming a city. Guess they just forgot to clean all that shit up.
-Kansas won the award for most beautiful license plate for the wheat plate design issued in 1981. The trophy sits on Kansas’ mantle next to the prestigious “American Apathy” award which was awarded to the state of “Kans” because the people making the award were too busy not caring to finish it.
-As of a few years ago, Kansas was officially made up of 91% white people. This officially gives Kansas the title of “Whitest Thing on Earth,” narrowly beating out polar bears, harp seals, milk, the Republican Party, Jeff Hornacek, Norway, and the fan bases of Enya, Miley Cyrus, and Weird Al Yankovic
There. I got it all out of my system. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A weight heavier than the average weight of a Topeka resident...huge relief.
Snake Alley Song of the Day: Oasis - Don't Look Back In Anger
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