Everything In, (Screw) Moderation

A free-wheelin’ free-ballin essay by David J. Tucker

Teachers, parents, and authority figures have always told me “everything in moderation.” “Don’t eat too much candy,” or “don’t get too excited/upset,” or “if you continue to poke that grizzly bear with a stick, he will wake up.” I say rubbish!

What kind of a life would I have if I held back? Where would I be in ten years? Probably stuck in a mid-level job with a wife and a Pug-Pomeranian mix. Not that that’s a bad thing; it’s just too safe. Where are the thrills going to come from? How can we preach staying on course in life all the time? My most memorable times are when I’ve done something to excess or took a risk, not the times when I played it safe. Why do you think movies are so popular? Everyone that takes everything in moderation go to the movies to watch the characters that don’t.

Everywhere I look, people seem preoccupied with their future. Then, suddenly, a switch seems to flip and they are trying to reclaim their past. It’s “school-school-school-where do I go to college-what’s my major-what job can I get-awesome I got a job-wait now I’m working 50 hours per week-I want to go back to college-man high school was great-maybe I can sneak in a 6 pack of light beer after work tomorrow before I drop off the dry cleaning.” It seems to me that it’s far more enjoyable if you just tell the cultural norms and expectations to go fuck themselves and simply do your best to enjoy whatever

stage you’re at--which is precisely why I’m writing this teetering off a glacier in Nova Scotia. I was supposed to go to the dentist this week, but I thought “fill a cavity and listen to a bitter sounding dental technician tell me to floss more, or take an impromptu drive up the coast and get in some sick ice climbing.” It was an easy choice. Sorry Ms. Fenwick, I know I told you I had the mumps but I’m kind of explaining my absence and writing a killer essay at the same time, so can we call it even?

I guess what I’m saying is LIVE people, just live it up and don’t do what everyone expects you to do. Don’t go off the deep end and get fired from your job or kicked out of school or disowned by your parents. Just have some fucking fun as you go through life. If you want to get blitzed on PBR and belt your heart out to old Springsteen albums, let it rip. If you want to make a bunch of picture albums on facebook and then wait to see who comments, upload like there’s no tomorrow. If you really truly like being safe, then put on a reflective vest and coast through life. As for me, I think I’ll hurl myself down this steep embankment I just climbed up because it looks like a giant frozen slip and slide. If I break an ankle or something—who cares? At least I’ll have a better story to tell than “You should have seen how much my ‘Pugmeranian’ pooped after I gave him an extra Snausage!”

-David Tucker was a sophomore in college when he wrote this. He tragically passed away as a senior when he snorted a large amount of cocaine and didn’t securely fasten the straps on his bungee cord.

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