Thursday, December 6, 2012

Trojan Condoms to Sponsor New Bowl


Five new potential bowls are petitioning for acceptance into the already crowded Bowl Season. I know what you’re thinking: “Between the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl, the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, the Meineke Car Care Bowl, and the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl, I just don’t think there’s room for more ridiculously named bowls in my bowl-watching calendar.”  It’s a valid point, but money talks…and apparently the ratings and ticket sales for the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl far outweigh the alternative: pre-season college field hockey.

Some are questioning the need for more bowls. There are already 35 bowls, some pitting 6-6 teams against each other. But rather than question mediocrity, these new potential bowls celebrate it. Here’s a look at the candidates:

Candidate 1: Trojan “Stiff D(Fense) Bowl.”
Location: Dickeyville, Wisconsin.
Pitch: The Stiff D(Fense) Bowl will pit one of the nation’s stiffest defenses vs. one of the most lubricated offensive teams for a friction-filled fracas.



Candidate 2: The Greater Des Moines Waste Management “Rubbish Bowl.”
Location: Des Moines, Iowa.
Pitch: A “parody” bowl, this cleverly-sponsored bowl will pit the two worst teams in Division I football against each other in a hilarious celebration of incompetence.



Candidate 3: The Rascal Scooters “Geriatric Bowl.”
Location: Boca Raton, Florida.
Pitch: This bowl is a matchup of the two teams in college football with the most Seniors. Providing graduating Seniors with one last chance for gridiron glory, the Geriatric Bowl exclusively plays Frank Sinatra on the loudspeakers and will be over by noon.



Candidate 4: The Alaskan Tourism Board “Barrow Bowl.”
Location: Barrow, Alaska.
Pitch: In the ultimate display of senseless irony, the Barrow Bowl will match up two deserving “warm weather” teams in the nation’s northernmost city, Barrow, Alaska in late December.



Candidate 5: The O’Reilly Auto Parts in association with PetSmart, Linens N’ Things, and Home Depot “Corporate Sponsorship Bowl,” brought to you by Toys ‘R Us and Wendy’s.
Location: Rotating locations based on corporate bidding.
Pitch: This is actually the new proposed name for the BCS National Championship Game.



If you’re a fan of a never-ending bowl season, keep an eye out for one of these new bowls that may be popping up (not a Stiff D(fense) Bowl pun) sometime in the near future. In the meantime, set those DVR’s…you won’t want to miss a minute of the Franklin Mortgage American Music City Bowl!

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