The Wussiest Sports Mascots

When I think of professional sports, I think of elite athletes engaged in fierce competition. As such, it’s only fitting that sports teams should be named something intimidating, right?

Some organizations have done a great job with this, such as the Memphis Grizzlies, New Jersey Devils, and Nashville Predators. Others have completely missed the mark, often times quite comically. Let’s take a look at some of the more ridiculous mascots.

*Note: This list only includes major professional sports teams...sorry Wichita Wingnuts and Scottsdale Community College Fightin’ Artichokes.

Baltimore Orioles

Baltimore team founder: “What are we thinking guys?”

Employee that is secretly sniffing glue: “How about a non-aggressive small bird that no one has ever heard of?”

Baltimore team founder (7 Mint Juleps deep): “Perfect!”

Washington Capitals

Just so lazy. That’s lazier than me right now…and I’m lying in bed eating a muffin at noon on a weekday.

Miami Dolphins

300 pound steroid-infused beasts colliding with each other in one of the most intense, violent sports in the world, and you pick the most adorable mascot you possibly could? That’s ballsy.

Milwaukee Brewers

Be honest…you were clearly just drunk when you thought of this.

Seattle Seahawks

Is that even a real animal? I feel like they really missed the boat by not calling the team the “Seattle Sasquatches.” Just as real as a “Seahawk” and much more intimidating.

Washington Wizards/Orlando Magic

Surprised your players wear basketball shorts and not glittery skirts.

Edmonton Oilers

WTF?

Cleveland Browns

Joke of a name, joke of a franchise.

Ottawa Senators

This one’s just perplexing. Such an odd mascot for a sports team (Unless its Senator Scott Brown…I wouldn’t want to play that team).

New Jersey Nets

Just file this under “Least creative name ever” category. Might as well have just gone with the “New Jersey Balls” and at least had some fun with it.

Toronto Maple Leafs

Possibly the toughest sport out there and you go with FOLIAGE? Seriously? No, seriously?

Let's hope that some of the owners of these teams get the message and change their mascots to fierce, bloodthirsty animals or something equally as frightening. The New Jersey Chupacabras has a nice ring to it...or maybe the Toronto Anacondas.

Actually, what could be even better is if some of them read this, and just to spite me, change their name to something even wussier, such as the Edmonton Unicorns, or the Seattle Ponies.

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